Una de noticias...

Toca en inglés, que desde que desapareció el Opening aquel, os veo mu mal con el idioma:

Wife accused of giving man lethal sherry enema
(y es que los hay muy alcohólicos, la verdá... espero no llegar a estos extremos)
Investigators say a Lake Jackson woman caused her husband's death by giving him a sherry enema, leading to alcohol poisoning. The enema caused his blood alcohol level to soar to 0.47 percent — almost six times the legal intoxication limit, a toxicology report showed.
Tammy Jean Warner, 42, was indicted on a charge of negligent homicide. She is also charged with burning the will of her husband, Michael Warner, a month before his death on May 21.
Michael Warner, a 58-year-old machine shop owner, had a long history of alcoholism, but couldn't ingest alcohol by mouth because of painful medical problems with his throat, said Lake Jackson police detective Robert Turner. The enema was a way he could become intoxicated without drinking alcohol, Turner said.
[Básicamente, que la esposa de un alcohólico le introdujo mediante enemas dos botellas de litro y medio de jerez al marío por el culo, y es que él era un poco alcohólico y como tenía problemas de garganta, po la mujé se lo metía por el culo, que el efecto era el mismo... con la mala suerte que la palmó, jaté]

Halle confesses to visiting sex shops
(igual los hay que siguen pensando que a las mujeres aquello no les pica, sino que sólo nos pica a los tíos, no te joe)
Halle Berry has confessed she has been visiting sex shops following the break-up of her marriage.
The stunning actress is a regular visitor to Hollywood's The Pleasure Chest store, which stocks whips, vibrators and raunchy underwear, in a bid to keep herself happy after she divorced second husband Eric Benet earlier this year.
She told America's Harper's Bazaar magazine: "You can't forget your sexuality - that's not good.
"You can still embrace your body by going to the gym or going to The Pleasure Chest."
Halle, 35, recently vowed never to get married again.
[Vamos, que tras romper su último matrimoño, po la chica visita los sex-shops pa darse gustirrinín al cuerpo]

How not to test a hand grenade...
(si es que los hay mu brutos... aunque digo que este bebería el güijki por la boca y no por el culo)
A drunken German who bought three hand grenades at a flea market in Bosnia has been arrested after throwing one out of the window to see whether it worked.
The 36-year-old took the three hand grenades home to Frankfurt as souvenirs where he kept them in a drawer for ten years.
But after drinking heavily with friends he showed one of them the explosive devices and decided to pull the pin on one after his pals claimed they did not believe they were real.
The grenade exploded between two blocks of flats and police who quickly traced the man thanks to eye-witnesses seized the two other unexploded grenades.
He was released after he sobered up and faces charges of illegal possession of explosives.
[Po que un alemán había comprau 3 granadas en Bosnia como souvenir. Diez años después, estando borrachu en casa con coleguis y estos no se creían que fueran de verdá, po pa demostrar que era un mashote, tiró una por la ventana y... era de verdá y funcionaba.]